Frankencelery Lives!
by GlassSuicune
Summary: After watching another VeggieTales episode, Wolverine and Magneto develop a fear of celery, Frankencelery in particular. So OF COURSE Scott and Mystique decide to take advantage of that. Run, Wolvie and Maggie, RUN! My sincerest apologies to Marvel.


Frankencelery Lives! by GlassSuicune

Note: X-Men belongs to Marvel. VeggieTales belongs to Big Idea. I also do not own any other trademarks contained herein. I do own Bernie. The 'Oh sweet pineapples' phrase and its 'sugary' variation also belong to me. This story is more or less a sequel to 'The Great Pie War, X-Men Style!', but I'm not sure if it's as funny as the original. But, if it makes you laugh, then my work paid off. Enjoy!

"What have you two got against me?!" Xavier cried, "All you do is destroy the mansion! Why, I ask you, why?!" Wolverine and Magneto weren't really paying attention. They were instead staring at the ceiling as if they had found it to be the key to finding Atlantis. Xavier then rested his forehead on a nearby desk. One weirdo he could handle, but two...

On second thought, make that three weirdos, as Storm wasn't exactly sane either.

Realizing the two mutants were ignoring him in the way only they could, Xavier put a tape in the VCR, left the room and locked the door. Xavier then noticed Storm standing outside where the living room once proudly stood, playing with a little St. Bernard puppy. She was holding a newspaper in front of it.

"Come on Bernie! Shred the paper! Eat it up! Rip it! DESTROY IT!!!" Storm screamed. Bernie merely yawned. "No! This is what I mean!" Storm cried, sticking the newspaper in her mouth and proceeding to rip it to shreds. Bernie watched his mistress attentively, as she made herself a candidate for the mutant who had filmed the Pie War's 'Craziest People in the Xavier Mansion' home videos.

Once the paper was destroyed, Storm looked at Bernie. "Now do you know what you're supposed to do?" she asked. Bernie wagged his tail and nodded. He then pulled out some glue and proceeded to repair the newspaper. Storm screamed in frustration.

Xavier decided to avoid the two for the rest of the day, and went to his office to talk with the President. The President had busied himself by reading a book titled 'Insanity for Beginners'. Xavier sighed and sat down at his desk, and the President promptly hid his book, grinning sheepishly.

"Mr. President, might I ask what brings you here?" Xavier asked, not expecting an intelligent response. "Well, I came here because I felt I needed to know what my fellow Earthlings are doing!" the President replied, grinning madly. Upon hearing this, Xavier concluded that the President had decided to accept mutants, but just had to meddle in their lives like any normal politician of today would.

MEANWHILE, IN ANOTHER PART OF THE MANSION....

Wolverine and Magneto stopped looking at the ceiling and noticed Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber again haunting the TV screen. The two mutants looked at each other and soon realized that being oblivious isn't the best way to avoid Xavier's strange brand of punishment.

This episode was one of the first VeggieTales shows. It was 'Where's God when I'm Scared?', the episode in which Junior Asparagus watches a scary movie involving a monster called 'Frankencelery' and then didn't want to go to sleep because of it. Wolverine and Magneto both watched this pitying Junior and despising Frankencelery the whole time.

LATER....

"DESTROY THAT SCREEN LOGAN!!!" Magneto screamed in a high-pitched voice. Wolverine released his claws and promptly pounced on the TV. The TV, however, refused to go down without a fight and suddenly grew arms, which it held back Wolverine with.

"HELP ME MAGGIE!!!" Wolverine screamed, growing unable to resist against the TV -which, by the way, had grown two more arms. Magneto pulled a sketch pad and some Crayola pencils out of his cloak and began drawing the Master Sword from The Legend of Zelda. Hey, when you're fighting a TV Monster, you gotta have the right equipment, and what better weapon then the Sword of Evil's Bane?

Once the drawing was done, Magneto pulled the sword out of the awful confines of paper and into a universe it certainly does not belong in, and threw it to Wolverine. He grabbed it and proceeded to gain the upper hand on the TV Monster -until it grew more arms and started shooting out lasers. Upon seeing this Magneto proceeded to draw the Light Arrows, dodging lasers the entire time.

Wolverine jabbed the TV Monster's 'Off' button, holding on to a small hope the thing would shut down. It didn't, and Wolverine seriously started to wonder if they would ever defeat this monstrosity. Luckily, Magneto had finished his drawing and pulled the Light Arrows out of the paper. He felt a pang of guilt at using them, seeing how he was a villain and these arrows were for a hero's use, but the situation was dire!

However, to those who read my previous story, you probably know Magneto doesn't have very good aim, and the arrow was lodged in Wolverine's arm rather then the TV Monster. "Oh sweet pineapples Maggie!" Wolverine cried, attempting to pull the arrow out and dodge the TV Monster's attacks at the same time, "Can't you do ANYTHING right?!" Magneto thought for a second and answered, "I don't think so. Does messing up a lot count?"

Magneto decided to follow his villain instincts and ran towards the TV Monster with an arrow and jabbed it ( if you're wondering how this is being evil, well, he's cheating!). The TV Monster screamed in anger more-so then pain, and promptly grabbed Magneto with one of its many arms ( they just keep coming!).

MEANWHILE, WITH XAVIER AND THE PRESIDENT....

Xavier could sense Wolverine and Magneto panicking about something, but their thoughts were so jumbled together he couldn't get a clear picture of what they were scared about. "Do I really want to know what those two are doing?" Xavier said under his breath, "Actually, no I don't..." Screaming could be heard in the room Wolverine and Magneto had been locked in, and Xavier could make out Magneto screeching, "THIS THING IS A TERMINATOR!!!"

"Sounds like Logan and Magneto are having fun with a TV Monster." the President said bluntly, as if he didn't realize the seriousness of the situation. Xavier looked at him funny, wondering how the heck he figured out it was the TV that was causing the two mutants so much distress. "Mr. President, could you excuse me for a moment?" Xavier asked.

"Sure, go have fun!"

With that, the President pulled out his book and began reading it. Xavier left the room, determined to stop this TV Monster from devouring Wolverine and Magneto. Though, truth be told, Xavier would much rather let the TV Monster eat them, thus solving a good deal of problems the mansion had obtained since the two began their senseless wars with each other.

Unlocking the door, Xavier peered inside the room and could see the two mutants doing their very best to win the fight -and failing rather miserably. Wolverine was tied down by a few of the TV Monster's many arms while Magneto was slowly losing consciousness as his head was repeatedly bashed into the wall.

Xavier realized quickly he would need some help -and Rogue just so happened to walk by the door. Xavier grabbed her and shoved her into the room, saying, "Just touch the TV Monster!" Rogue removed her gloves and the TV Monster fired its lasers at her. She dodged and yelled, "Don't you make me touch you! Oh wait..."

The TV Monster grabbed Rogue and she promptly put her hand on the screen. Xavier rolled in with a baseball bat as the TV Monster began growing weaker. He then proceeded to bash the thing, thus freeing Wolverine and Magneto while Rogue continued touching the electronic monstrosity. The TV promptly exploded, revealing...

...A humanoid Suicune?!

Wolverine and Magneto were the first to react to seeing the Mirage Pokemon. "You're the authoress, aren't you?!" Wolverine yelled angrily while Magneto cried, "What were you trying to do?!" The Suicune looked at them and answered, "Ah yes, it is I, GlassSuicune! And with the TV Monster Xavier and Rogue so rudely destroyed, I was going to take over the world!"

Everyone stared at Glass in horror. She merely smiled and walked off, singing, "I'm looking over a four leaf clover, that I over-looked before!" Once she left, Xavier looked at Wolverine, Magneto, and Rogue. "Let's just keep this little detail to ourselves." he grimaced. The three mutants nodded in agreement. To any concerned reader, I promise you, I will not break the fourth wall again. Oh wait, I just did...

Rogue pulled out a book of records, bopped everyone with it, and walked off. Her way of saying, "You're welcome!" Once he recovered, Xavier rolled back to his office, dreading the rest of the conversation with the President. It hadn't been going well, because all the President could talk about was how similar the Fantastic Four and Spider-Man were to mutants.

Wolverine stared off into the horizon, just in time to see Storm crash into a tree trying to teach Bernie how to fetch. Ignoring her, Wolverine said, "Don't laugh, but that show made me afraid of celery." Normally Magneto would've laughed, but he replied, "That show made me afraid of celery too!"

"Then you and I just found something we have in common..."

"That's a little creepy, when you think about it."

The two mutants decided to leave the area -Wolverine to go buy a beer and Magneto to plot the downfall of humanity ( what?). When they were out of sight, Scott and Mystique walked towards each other. "Did you hear that?" Mystique asked, "Logan and Magneto are afraid of celery!" She started laughing.

"Y'know, something tells me we could use this to our advantage..." Scott muttered. An ominous grin creased upon Mystique's lips, and she said, "I just thought of a brilliant idea..."

"Do tell!"

As Mystique told Scott her brilliant idea, Kitty walked down the hallway with a toothbrush lodged into her mouth. It was one of those toothbrushes that plays music, and the song that was playing was Hannah Montana's 'Best of Both Worlds'. She passed Scott and Mystique waving at them. They seemed indifferent.

Now, I'm sure all of you are probably saying, "Can you just get to what the summary talked about?" Don't worry, here it is!

It was now 12:00 am, and something deep down told Scott and Mystique that Wolverine and Magneto were still awake. Apparently someone made the mistake of telling them about the Sandman and every night they would try to catch him in the horrible act of putting sand in the young mutants' eyes. Seriously, were those two even sane? Uh, nobody answer that!

Scott and Mystique could hear footsteps down the hallway. Both dressed as Frankencelery, they ambushed an unsuspecting Nightcrawler. "Ahhh!" he cried, teleporting out of sight. Scott and Mystique mentally kicked themselves. Wrong mutant.

"Uh Scott, where did Kurt go?" Mystique asked, rather worried. A loud 'Poof' noise could be heard from behind them and Nightcrawler walloped them with a mop. Once that was done, the blue demon walked away, muttering, "Madness... These people are crazy!" Scott and Mystique rubbed their heads.

The two went back to their hiding space, deciding it would be best if they thought before they leaped. More footsteps were heard, and they could tell two people were walking down the hallway. "Are you sure the Sandman doesn't suspect a thing?" Magneto's voice quietly echoed. "Well, maybe...Ahhh!" came Wolverine's reply, as Scott and Mystique wasted no time in jumping out at them. Magneto started screaming as well.

"Oh sugary sweet pineapples!" Magneto cried, "Frankencelery lives! And he's got a twin!" He immediately jumped down a nearby laundry chute ( if Xavier's mansion doesn't have any, it does now). "Come back here you coward!" Wolverine yelled. He then noticed the two Frankenceleries walking towards him menacingly.

"On second thought, wait for me coward!" Wolverine cried, jumping down the laundry chute as well. Scott and Mystique tried to contain their laughter. "Phase One, complete!" Scott exclaimed. "Phase Two, commencing!" Mystique added. To be truthful, I feel sorry for Wolverine and even Magneto.

Magneto crawled out from under some sheets and bed comforters. He could sense the presence of metal somewhere and he grinned rather knowingly. He then focused his power on that metal object and Wolverine promptly went flying into the ceiling. "You'll pay for this." Wolverine said in a muffled voice, before he fell down.

All of a sudden, the two heard Mystique's voice screaming, "Help! Frankencelery's trying to eat me! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!!!" Wolverine and Magneto then rushed out of the laundry room and to where the screaming was taking place, neither one stopping to think this all may be a sick joke.

They found Mystique with her back pressed against the wall. She was smeared with ketchup -though Wolverine and Magneto thought it was blood- and pointing hysterically in the direction of Frankencelery ( aka Scott!), who was also smeared with ketchup. He moved his eyes away from Mystique and glared at Wolverine and Magneto.

"Okay, he can't get all three of us," Wolverine started, grabbing Magneto, "So he'll get you!" He pushed the old mutant towards Frankencelery and then proceeded to rescue Mystique while Magneto crashed into the monster celery. Magneto barely registered what had happened, but when he finally did, he punched and kicked poor Scott trying to get away.

Wolverine ran down a couple hallways and finally stopped to make sure Mystique was alright. He personally did not like her, but not even she deserved to suffer at the terrible non-existent hands of Frankencelery! That monster vegetable would pay for hurting her! Mystique, however, silently prayed Wolverine's heightened sense of smell wouldn't detect the ketchup.

Now, Wolverine probably would've discovered it was in fact ketchup and not blood within a few seconds, had a terrified Magneto not crashed into him, sending them both tumbling down the stairs.

Upon seeing the two men make their best tumble-weed impersonation, Mystique put her hand on her forehead and gave a sigh of relief. Wolverine was the first to recover, and he immediately grabbed Magneto and pulled him towards him. The old mutant, obviously terrified of Wolverine as well, screamed, "What do you want from me?!"

"Listen you, next time you decide to run around the mansion like a complete and total freak, do me a favour and crash into Cyclops!" Wolverine growled, throwing Magneto off to the side. He whimpered his response and assumed the fetal position, obviously under the toddler impression that if you can't see the horrible monster, he can't see you.

"Oh sweet pineapples, you are pathetic." Wolverine groaned, fairly certain the old mutant was giving him a headache. Evil laughter was heard, and Frankencelery promptly appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Wolverine then screamed like a three-year-old and ran off, Magneto joining him -he had come to the realization that even if you can't see the horrible monster, he CAN see you.

Jean, Bobby, Toad, and Pyro were standing in the now outdoor living room with some instruments. Apparently they weren't content to sit around doing nothing, so they decided to sing a song from VeggieTales, just for you! Jean made sure everyone was ready, and then the four sang loudly, "God is bigger then the Bogeyman! He's bigger then Godzilla or the monsters on TV! God is bigger then the Bogeyman, and he's watching out for you and me! Watching-"

Kitty suddenly ran through the wall. "Hey you loud people!" she cried, "THERE ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE! HOW CAN THEY SLEEP PEACEFULLY IF ALL YOU GUYS DO IS MAKE NOISE?! THIS ALSO APPLIES TO YOU GUYS, WOLVIE AND MAGGIE! WILL YOU GUYS JUST SHUT UP?!" Once everyone within the vicinity of Xavier's mansion was most likely awake, Kitty went back to bed.

Jean and her band then whispered, "God is bigger then the Bogeyman! He's bigger then Godzilla or the monsters on TV! God is bigger then the Bogeyman, and he's watching out for you and me! Watching, watching, watching! Out for you and meeeeeee!" Content that they had done something, the four mutants then left for the remainder of the story.

Wolverine looked around the corner, not seeing Frankencelery. Magneto was beside him, muttering, "We're all gonna die... We're all gonna die..." Wolverine sighed and said, "Maggie, just think positive thoughts."

"I'm a villain, Wolvie! For me this IS thinking positive!"

"You don't get out much, do you?"

"Generally not. Why?"

"No reason."

Wolverine returned to standing watch, and Magneto continued being a little over-dramatic. All of a sudden, the old mutant caught a green glimpse in the corner of his eye. He looked and saw to his horror, Frankencelery. He then began poking Wolverine's side to get his attention, eyes not leaving the monster celery.

"Stop it Maggie." Wolverine said in an 'Or else' manner. Magneto didn't stop, instead he started poking faster. "I said STOP IT." Wolverine growled. Magneto started poking even more frantically, looking like he was about to scream at any given second. Finally, he tried to run away, but Wolverine grabbed him.

"What has gotten into you for Pete's sake?!" Wolverine shrieked. Magneto pointed in the direction of Frankencelery, and Wolverine finally understood what the poking was about. Wolverine loosened his grip and said, "Yep, that's creepy." He and Magneto then ran off screaming. Scott sighed. This was almost too easy.

LATER....

Xavier rolled around the mansion, noticing a lot of things broken and misplaced, wondering what the heck happened last night. He noticed Scott walk by and promptly read his mind, hoping he would find answers. Once he found them, he buried his face in his hands. Of all the people in the world, why did he have to be the one to endure this non-stop torture?

Scott abruptly stopped and looked at Xavier, who was now just staring at him. Scott paled and immediately ran for the hills. Xavier sighed and said, "I'll get you Summers," Mystique suddenly ran past him, "And I'll get you too, Raven." With that said, Xavier decided to see if the labs had been destroyed in any way.

The labs appeared untouched and for that Xavier was thankful. He then went to where that plastic cell thingy in the second movie was ( yes, I forgot what it was called, what's it to you?). He noticed one of the guards staring blankly at it.

"What is it?" Xavier asked, looking through the window. What he saw was Wolverine and Magneto inside the cell, both scanning the area for any threats. They had the look about them that clearly said if even a small piece of dust got in, they would freak out. For some reason, Xavier felt a migraine coming.

Xavier then looked at the guard. "How did they get in there?" he asked. The guard shrugged and said, "They came here screaming something about monster celery that was chasing them everywhere. They knocked me out and when I awoke they were in there." Xavier tried to act surprised, but in reality he wasn't.

"Should I let them out?" the guard asked. Xavier shook his head. "It's their choice to be there. We must respect their wishes." he answered.

"Oh, okay."

Bob and Larry watched this from afar. Bob turned to their audience. "Well kids, did you find the lesson to be learned here? 'Cause I sure enough can't." he said bluntly. "Um, Wolvie and Maggie need serious help?" Larry suggested, dressing up as a doctor and pulling a cordless drill out of nowhere, "BRAIN SURGERY!!!"

"Goodness no, Larry! Goodness no!"

Larry looked disappointed and put the drill away. Junior then hopped over to them carrying a book. "What are you doing?" Bob asked. "I'm going to go read Wolverine and Magneto a story," Junior started, ever the considerate one, "They look like they need it." With that, he hopped towards the cell.

Note: And that's the end. I don't think this had the charm 'The Great Pie War, X-Men Style!' had, but sequels don't always have what made the original enjoyable, sadly. But I'm my own worst critic, so you guys tell me what you thought. Just don't flame. You can say you didn't like it, but give a reason why. Thank you all, you've been a wonderful audience! And yes, I'm still on my sugar high.... Huh?

Wolverine: "There she is!"

Magneto: "You'll pay for this Glass!"

Glass: runs away screaming as the X-Men and Brotherhood chase her

Well, I did have a feeling they would come after me sooner or later... But I didn't think this soon.


End file.
